Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Into the Great Wide Open

Alright Internet, here I am. Joining the navel-gazing multitude of 'bloggers' with the illustrious idea of edification and entertainment for the masses. Or in my case, for updating (and amusing) my friends and family while I navigate the seas of life with the heavy anchor of cancer. So let's get on with it...

This year has been hard. There is just no getting around that simple truth. It has been a roller coaster in all ways: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Cancer changes you. What it has done for me is to strip away all the excess mental and emotional baggage and bring me closer to my core Self. It's changed me into more ME. My middle name is Hope, and I spend some time everyday using that word to lift myself up and out of whatever may be bringing me down. It's a mantra, a religion of sorts, and with it I can smile and charge on with my attempt to suck the marrow out of every moment of life.

Yesterday I got the results of my latest PET scan. It shows that there is progression of the metastatic cancer in my lungs. It shows cancer cells in both hilar lymph nodes (before it was only in one), growth in both tumors, and a new so-tiny-almost-can't-see-it tumor. This means we move on to systemic chemotherapy now and wait on the lung surgery. On the good news side, my belly and rectal area are completely clear, which means the first surgery got it all. The bright side is that the rest of my summer will no longer be ruined by another surgery recovery. On the other hand, my summer will now be ruined by chemo. Toh-mayto, tuh-mahto. I've already got an appointment lined up with my oncologist this week. And I plan to keep up with the updates here.

I've spent most of today picking my chin back up and getting this dang blog started. I'm feeling rather accomplished. Right now I'm already focusing on and looking forward to a sexy car night out with friends tomorrow. We'll put a shine on the Mustang, I'll wear a summer dress, and we'll drink milkshakes at the Gimore diner car. It's going to be fantastic.


  1. Welcome to the world of medical naval gazing! I found it very helpful to have a place to sort out what I was feeling about Lucy's issues and our carepages site turned into my place to do it.

    Please keep us informed, and know that you are in our thoughts.

    (This is Eric from Andelcamp last year. Amnachaidh is an old SCA name that has turned into my online identity since Buffy)

  2. I think it was Thoreau that said Discover woods deliberately live went marrow. Carpe Fishum extraordinary. I think he said it better though.

    1. It was Thoreau and he definitely said it better. That quote always makes me think of Dead Poet's, still one of my favorite films.

    2. "We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman ~ 'O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?'

      Answer : That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse... That the powerful play *goes on*, and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"

  3. *Hugs* Somehow it doesn't surprise me at all that you are staying positive; I know it must be hard but being positive is probably one of the very best things you could do right now. Know that we are sending positive/healing thoughts your way--I know you can beat this.

  4. (((hug))) Thank you for starting this blog. It will be good to be able to follow your day to day progress.

  5. I am praying and sending you my good energy and healing every day sweetie. I know the emotional pain of the fight... BUT KEEP FIGHTING... there are so many of us that love you.


    Rachel (Kalyani)

  6. Hey sweetie. I wish I knew some good ass jokes to tell you... But oh well, now I have a quest! I'm going to find the best bum funnies to regale you with.... All I can think of right now are fart jokes. Do they count?

  7. Well-I don't know many butt jokes, but I do read a crazy number of web comics. Hopefully you'll find some of these funny:





    1. Those are great, thank you! I really love the cat ones. I have a few comics (web and normal) that I keep up with online as well. Will be adding a couple of these to the rotation.