What's in your head, in your head?

Soooooooooo... ... ...

Most recent scan results are in, and game plans have been made. My body CT scan showed no evidence of disease in my lower body. Specifically it said that the tumor we most recently radiated a couple months back is now "necrotic." Dead and deader. Everything else seems to have stayed stable while I've been on this lovely chemotherapy break. Great news.

The less great news is that the brain MRI showed two new lesions, one in each hemisphere. It is also possible there is new growth in one or more of the old brain tumors. I've seen my new radiologist today (head of the department and a rockstar doc!) and we confirmed that we will be moving forward with Gamma Knife radiation to the new tumors. I don't have a date yet, but hopefully next week. I have to meet with a neurosurgeon first on Monday, as this procedure takes both radiology and neurosurgery working together. This procedure is a much more advanced, precise and effective one than the SRS (stereotatic) that I had a year and a half ago. One of the many advantages of my new health facility is that it is pretty top-of-the-line. As proven by my last round of brain radiation, there is hardly any downtime following. After just one day of rest I was back up, feeling perfectly normal, driving around and taking care of myself.

This does change my camping plans (Pennsic) for the next couple of weeks. Clearly first week is out for me. Nice thing is that I only paid for one week just in case something came up. If they can get me in for the procedure next week then I'm hoping to make it down to Pennsylvania for the majority of the second week.

This news has weighed me down a bit lately. I've been sitting with it, waiting for more news and a game plan before really talking about it openly. It's always easier for me to handle things when I have a direction and a plan. I can lean on the surety of that when I feel a little "off my feet." And, to be completely honest, brain tumors are the scariest for me. I'm fully confident in my doctors, in my care, in my partner, in my support network - I know this will be routine and effective. Still a little creepy. And the idea of my head being in a metal cage while they beam minute radiation waves in my brain is rather Clockwork Orange creepy. However... perhaps gamma radiation is what I need to kick off the superpowers waiting to be activated. Finally! I'll have the ability to reach the top shelf anything when I feel like She-Hulking up. A rather useful skill.

That's where we are. It is a "one foot in front of the other" time at this moment. I can still look around me and smile. Candlelight wavering under the soft breeze of the fan, incense drifting in the air, the shadow of my Paramour as he moves around in the kitchen behind me, a content cat sitting in window ledge, a bit of Dr. Strangelove on in the background, words flowing forth. Life has certainly been more difficult and less blissful in past times. I'm rather enamoured of Now. So I'm going to go sit in that Now space for a bit. Lovely evening to you all.