So, in coming to my blog after many neglected months... I found an unfinished draft of a post from March 20, the Spring Equinox. It was titled "The Give and Take" and I shall present it to you all after this post. It seems to hold more poignancy now, as all things shall in the light of the news I have to share. It ends, somewhat abruptly (unfinished as it was), talking about the coming of spring and warmer weather. Ironic now that I have felt the full falling of Fall upon us here in Michigan, and being little more than a week from the Fall Equinox.
It has been a couple of days without sun here this week, or at least a few days since I have been of the mind to notice the sun if it has shown its face here in the western corner of the state. The trees have begun to show signs of color, and though that brings a certain beauty to the landscape, I always find myself wistful and longing for the lost warmth of sun-soaked summer days. I truly am a child of the sun and find my best reveling in the heat. And it has been a summer of reveling in my world. I have sat many afternoons in the heat and sun these past months, in a place of mindfulness with nothing but my Self to find and consider; measuring my time by the visits of a hummingbird. I have found myself in great repose and coming from such a place of Center that revelations have abounded. Never have I been so at ease in the whole of Victoria.
Irony, karma, luck (that coy mistress), they do find their time in the sun as well. I recognize that I never did write a blog update about my March PET scan. Needless to say, it was a good one with less uptake in the hilum regions we had been watching and my oncologist and I decided that after a year of close watching we could move the schedule back to a more regular six-month one. So last Monday (Sept 27) I got all radioactive again. I received those PET results this week Tuesday and it appears that the right hilum finally decided it was done playing hide-and-seek and was going to become a full-blown metastatic tumor. The plan is to get a biopsy of it to be certain it is a metastasis and then to make decisions regarding treatment. Could be a surgical option; could be some combination of that and/or radiation and/or chemotherapy to follow. Of course now that we are in the zone of recurrence, I shall endeavor to update the blog more often to keep all informed of the state of treatment and plans.
However... this week was not yet done with me. I was hospitalized Wednesday night following some vision issues and a loss of consciousness. An MRI the next morning revealed that I have a sizable (2-3 cm) brain tumor on my right occipital lobe, and three much smaller ones also on the right side. We are moving quickly to address this newest piece of the cancer puzzle. I have already met with my radiation oncologist and there is the plan to have pointed area brain radiation this coming week. I will have the schedule of it tomorrow.
If I am completely honest, I really have no full idea what all this means yet. There is the possibility that I could have some peripheral vision loss or a field blank following the radiation. But truly, there will be no knowing until afterwards. I am prepared to face this head-on, with the most Hope, and strongest attitude I can possibly muster. There is no lying down for this continued fight. I will find myself on the other side of whatever this week has to offer being the best that I can bring to bear in this world.
There is much more sitting in my mind, but I have run out of the clarity to express it. Perhaps in the days to come I will find more words. And I certainly shall try.