Sunday, November 25, 2012

T minus five

Been having rather a good week around here. A low key, stress free holiday and making the best of this long weekend. Spent a rather wonderful day with many of my favorite ladies yesterday. Tea, a movie and an evening of terrific food and lots of wine and conversation. Everyone headed their separate ways and I went to meet another good friend to finish dancing the night away. Splendid. I've also been making progress every day on an embroidered blanket for my nephew-to-be. And so far am pretty happy with how it is turning out.

I'll be getting the house together again this week. In prep for being gone to the hospital again. Lung surgery number two is nearly here. I'm happy that we are at what could be one of the final steps in all of this, but am not particularly looking forward to the surgery itself. I pretty much know exactly how it is going to feel, and the first couple of days of recovery just aren't all that fun or comfortable. C'est la vie... ah well. Hopefully this will be the end for all the tumors.

Need to make a couple of appointments to talk to oncologists about whether we are following up with more chemo. If not, this may very well be the last step in treatment currently. A pretty exciting possibility. Of course even when we do get to the 'end' of treatment there will still be regular scans and tests to make sure that I stay clear of this crap. I had the very good fortune to speak with a 12 year survivor last week. She warned me that the time to come after the end of treatment can be pretty scary. I'll no longer have the very regular contact with doctors that I'm used to and there can be a lot of fear when that constant reassurance goes away. I have a sense of certainty that it will come back someday, I just don't know when. And I will have to learn to accept that fear and move past it in the months and years to come. The physical part of this 'journey' may be nearing its end, but I will continue to live with cancer for a very long time emotionally and psychologically. It has reshaped my life in many ways. And I know the shaping is still in process.

3 comments:

  1. I no longer say I lack faith; I do believe in the power of my mind and positive thought. I am not sure that I believe as far as manifesting my own destiny, however, I will be believing, with my utmost conviction, that it will not come back.

    Love,
    S/M

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  2. Dear one, You remain in my thoughts! You have an amazing attitude which I believe has helped you through a lot of the darknes. Also you have many people who love you very deeply. Never hesitate to reach out to any of us if fear or doubt rears their ugly heads!

    Love and hugs

    C

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  3. I continue to live with cancer as well, Love. It is three yrs remission for me this month. But having been three bouts, it feels ever looming in the dark ready to attack. Nonetheless, we have to remember that we are LIVING. And that is in itself enough. We aren't living with cancer, we aren't dying, we are simply living. And you will go on for a long time to come. I feel it deep in my bones. You have lots more living to do.

    Hugs!!!

    Kalyani/Rachel

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