Monday, April 29, 2013

Back in the Saddle

Spring has finally sprung and it appears to actually be here to stay. This pleases me inordinately. It is my favorite season after all. I love the loamy smell as new shoots break from the earth, the dusting of green on the trees as buds emerge, all the birds making their music, the general energy as everything comes in to full life again. The feeling of possibility is palpable and intoxicating.

Got to spend some time in the beautiful outdoors on Saturday with my sister and her husband's family, and a quick visit to see our family as well. A little light fishing, picnic food, a cloudless sky, a mini road trip; rather a lovely day. Felt pretty good throughout the weekend as well. My nephew just keeps growing and getting bigger and cuter. He is giving full smiles and even laughs now, and it just melts your heart to see it. He's four months at this point and I know he'll be changed that much more when I see him again in another month or two. As always, I had a comfortable, loving, relaxing time visiting and look forward to the next one.

So, we pulled my bicycle out last week hoping to take advantage of the nice weather. Got the cobwebs dusted off and the tires aired up, but didn't end up having the time to take it out. Today, however, I took it for a few spins around the neighborhood. I haven't ridden since before the surgery on my ass, and I was wondering if there would be any issues. I am very happy to report that there are none whatsoever. Still pretty out of shape, so I won't be riding all around town quite yet. But getting out a bit every day the weather allows, and I feel up for it, should put me back in shape and cruising speed relatively quickly.

The end is feeling closer and closer. And the good weather only increases my optimism about the end of treatment. Getting back on the bike makes me feel that much more normal as well. I will be stronger at the end of this in so many ways. I'll be a little weak and sore in the legs tomorrow for the work I put in today. But it's just like the radiation, the surgeries and the chemo. It will hurt a little for a little while, but I'm better in the end for having gone through the effort.

In the early days I heard that cancer would take a year of my life. I'm still adding days and weeks to that initial year. It is looking more like a year and a half at this point. But the days slip by, faster as the sun now chases them down, and I truly am learning a little patience. I keep talking about the end... now the light at the end of the tunnel is the summer sun beckoning me to come out and play. The subtle warmth of spring on my neck hastens my blood and my thoughts. I can't help but feel the pull and the excitement and the nearness of the finish line. Luckily there are projects and distractions to keep my mind from being completely consumed in the thought of it. But it is a dominant thought in many of my recent days. So I'll beg your indulgence in future commentary to come.

I know there will be new fears, and challenges, and adjustment to another "new normal." My adaptation skills have stood me well so far; I will continue to keep them close at hand. But this end is coming at a beautiful time and I'm almost ready to start counting the days. There's the sun to bask in, and roads yet to ride... I'm ready.

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