Lessons

Somehow I have contracted a summer cold. It started with a mild sensation in my throat Tuesday, which became a full-on sore throat Wednesday morning. The kind that feels like someone has scrubbed your throat raw. But no fever, congestion or other symptoms. Of course my white blood cell (WBC) counts are pretty tanked right now after two months of chemotherapy. And the doctor and nurses have all told me to call if there is any sign of fever or infection. Apparently infection is a 'super bad thing' for someone on chemo and with counts like mine. I swear the medical community tries to scare you into submission. They keep saying that a fever one day could mean ICU the next. Sheesh!, a bit over dramatic. So I dutifully called Wednesday morning and informed them that I had a sore throat. They had me come in for bloodwork and to meet with a nurse. My WBC counts are actually higher this week than last (go me!). But they decided to put me on antibiotics just as a preventative measure. My throat does feel somewhat better today, but now my nose is running. So hopefully this will run its course quickly and I'll be past it by the time I go back for chemo next week.

The frustrating thing about it is that this is my off chemo week, and I'm supposed to be able to do what I want and be feeling nothing but better every day that goes by. I don't like kinks being thrown in my perfectly laid plans. This whole disease experience is making it difficult to hold on to the mindset that I have mental omnipotence over my body. I've continued to hold to the youthful conviction that things like sleep and sickness are merely speed bumps on the way to living and accomplishing and having fun. The kind of speed bumps that you don't really have to slow down that much for, maybe downshift a gear or merely take your foot off the gas for a moment. Why would I waste brake lights and time on such inconsequential items? But apparently cancer is here to teach me a new solid life lesson about body/mind dynamics. (Damn that cancer and its high-minded moralistic attitude!)

Some of you may think that being handed a 'sit on the couch and veg' card is pretty cool. But that card has been getting a lot of use over the last few months, and I'm tired of being tired and veg'ing. I want to kick around and do stuff and go places and dance. I want to run myself ragged in the name of fun, mischief and debauchery. That's difficult to do when you start ragged. So I wait. Not yet patiently; but I wait with a shadow of something like patience. And with a wicked Cheshire Cat-like grin in my mind, envisioning the mayhem of good times that are sure to come.